


Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass

by coolkidelise



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Christmas, Hanukkah, Jewish Character, Joncer - Freeform, M/M, Mistletoe, Multi, Ryden, Rydon, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolkidelise/pseuds/coolkidelise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan is a Jew who hates Christmas. Brendon tries to change that. ...change Ryan's views on Christmas, not being Jewish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass

Let's state the obvious: December 25th has got to be the worst day of the year for anyone of the Jewish faith. As a Jew, I get eight nights of presents but I don't have ANY Jewish friends I can celebrate with. All of my friends will be singing Christmas carols while I'm eating some burned latkes made by my Grandfather who can only speak Yiddish. Fucking great.

It's the fifth night of Hanukkah and my parents got me an iTunes gift card which is pretty cool, I guess. It's also Christmas Eve. I'm browzing through some songs & apps, looking for anything remotely interesting to maybe drop a $1.99 on when I get my annual Christmas party invite text from my best friend Brendon Urie.  
_'dude, xmas party @ jwalks. u down?'_  
Of course Jon Walker was having a Christmas party. He did every year since the eighth grade. And of course I was declining like I had the past four years.  
_'nah. grandparents r here & they'd b so pissed if i didn't stay & light the mennorah with them. srry.'_  
_'WTF MAN? that's ur excuse every year! u'll love j's parties. plz come 2 this 1. if u h8 it, we'll leave, promise.'_  
I actually considered it before realizing how stupid an idea it really was.  
_'nope.'_  
_'i'm picking u up, asshole!'_  
_'WHAT?! NO!'_  
_'ON MY WAY'_  
Fuck.

Not even ten minutes later, Brendon was in my driveway laying on the horn of his beat up Volks Wagen.  
"Why the fuck do you think I'd want to go to a party that celebrates Christianity?" I asked from my front porch with my hands on my hips.  
"Contrary to popular belief, high school Christmas parties aren't all about religion, Ryan." Brendon replied sarcastically.  
"Obviously! I know you don't pray to Jesus Christ at these parties, you dick. It's what the holiday stands for!" I spat.  
"You're turning this into something way bigger than it is! Just come with me!" Brendon begged.  
My mother came outside behind me when she heard Brendon and I yelling.  
"What's all the commotion out here? Oh hello Brendon, dear!" My mom said smiling. She loved Brendon. Probably more than she loved me. Ugh...  
"Hello, Mrs. Ross! I was wondering if Ryan could come to a Christmas party with me tonight." Brendon said with angelic innocence.  
"Christmas party? Oh right, it's Christmas Eve! We already carried out all of our festivities here so he may go if he'd like." My mom said with a friendly smile. My mom was a saint. Of fucking course.  
"What do you say, Ry?" Brendon asked, putting me on the spot.  
My mom would probably force me to go even if I did say no. She was always complaining about me being antisocial and how these were the best years of my life.  
"Fine. Let me grab my coat." I grumbled, pushing past my mom.  
I ran up to my bedroom and grabbed my jacket. Fuck, Brendon and his charming ways. Me at a Christmas party is more unfitting than Pete Wentz at the CMA's.  
I walked out on the front door and kissed my mom goodbye on the cheek.  
"Tell Bubbe and Zayde I said goodnight and happy Hanukkah again." I said with a small smile.  
"Will do. Have fun, honey." My mom said before pushing me towards the driveway.  
"Thanks for letting Ryan come with me, Mrs. Ross!" Brendon said, flashing his white teeth in a beautiful grin.  
"No problem! Bye, boys!" She said before walking back into the house and locking up for the night.  
"Ready to pop your Christmas party cherry?" Brendon asked as he buckled his seat belt.  
"I'm not really sure..." I admitted.  
He just laughed as he backed out of my driveway.

I walked into Jon Walker's house behind Brendon and was amazed at what I saw. I'd been to Jon Walker's house plenty of times but never in the month of December. His house was decked out in lights, wreaths, ornaments and any other Christmas decoration you could think of. It was actually really tasteful. I could hear some old Christmas song I recognized redone by some cool hipster band.  
"I never thought I'd see you at a Christmas party, Jew." A voice said from behind me.  
"Fuck off, Dallon." I said with a laugh before high-fiving a buddy of mine, Dallon Weekes.  
"Where are the drinks?" Brendon asked Dallon.  
"The kitchen. Jon's probably in there too. Ryan, go say hi to him. He'll think it's a Christmas miracle that you actually showed." Dallon joked and pat me on the back.  
"Alight, see ya' later, Dal." I called out as Brendon dragged me in the direction of the kitchen.

"What do you want?" Brendon asked me as he dug through the alcohol in the Walker family refrigerator.  
"Rum and Coke?" I suggested.  
"That's fucking pimp, Ry. I think I'll have one too. Aren't you going to ask me if it's kosher?" Brendon joked as he began mixing our beverages.  
"God, this is why I avoided these parties like the plague because I knew everyone would fuck with me for being Jewish at a party celebrating a Christian holiday!" I exclaimed.  
"I'm only kidding, dude. You should know that." Brendon replied before taking a sip of his drink. He grimaced and added another splash of Coke to it.  
"'Do my eyes deceive me or is that really Ryan fucking Ross." Jon said, walking up to me and Brendon.  
I noticed our other best friend Spencer Smith hanging off Jon's arm in an overly friendly way.  
"Hey, Jon. Hi, Spence." I said with a smile.  
"I'm glad you came, Ryan." Spencer said with a goofy smile and a slight slur. He was so fucking shitfaced.  
"Me too." I said smiling.  
"Go drink! Be merry!" Jon shouted with a laugh before walking off with Spencer stumbling along at his side.  
"Explain, please." I asked Brendon once our two friends were out of earshot.  
"Spencer and Jon like to kiss when they're drunk. Among other things." Brendon told me.  
"Huh, the things I miss when I don't come to parties." I said.  
"That's what I've been telling you for years!" Brendon smiled lazily.  
Fuck he was handsome, even in that ugly Christmas sweater I hadn't noticed him wearing earlier. He probably wore it to be ironic or some shit. I liked that about him. He was just so cool.  
"Come on, RyRo. Let's get wasted!" Brendon said chugging his drink.  
I followed suit, finishing the Rum and Coke in a few throat stinging gulps before slapping my red Solo cup down on the counter. "Fuck yeah!"

I lost count on how much I'd drank but I think it was somewhere between when the shots of shitty alcohol started tasting good and when I started slurring my words. Brendon was holding his liquor pretty well too which was surprising because he's two inches shorter than me. But then again, he did have a lot more meat on his bones than I did. I looked into his glazed over chocolate eyes as he danced on Jon's coffee table with Ian Crawford. 'Jingle Bell Rock' blared from the speakers and the two boys were trying to recreate the talent show dance from Mean Girls. That's until Ian puked and got down.  
"Boo, Ian! Come dance with me, RyRo!" Brendon giggled.  
I shrugged before climbed up on the table with my best friend.  
Brendon immediately bent over and grinded his ass into my crotch. Fuck you, Brendon.

It was creeping up on two AM when I figured I should probably get Brendon home. It was officially Christmas after all. Brendon had switched over to Red Bulls after the whole dancing on the table scene, much to my request.  
"There is no way either of us can drive. Can you call your sister Kyla or something?" I asked Brendon.  
"We could walk. I mean it's only like a mile." Brendon suggested.  
"Walk?! I can guarantee you'll fall at least twice within that distance." I almost shouted as we walked out of Jon's house.  
"Well we don't really have any other options." Brendon sort of wined.  
"Fine. Gimme your hand. I really don't want you to fall more than necessary." I said, offering out my hand. Brendon took it almost immediately and I dragged him along.

We got to Brendon's house in like 20 minutes and I saved him from falling on the sidewalk and ripping his favorite skinny jeans.  
"You should just stay here. You can celebrate your first Christmas at the Urie house." Brendon said with a smile as he unlocked his front door.  
"Alright. I'll call my mom in the morning to tell her I'm here." I said, following Brendon into his house.  
"Wait! Won't your parents wonder where your car is?" I asked him.  
"Fuck!" Brendon yelled with a laugh.

Still pretty drunk, we scurried up to Brendon's bedroom. He tossed me a pair of sweat pants to sleep in before pulling on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms He shimmied out of his sweater and tossed it in his open dresser drawer. I crawled into bed next to him, sleepiness hitting me hard.  
"Come cuddle with me, RyRo. I'm cold." Brendon pleaded.  
"Okay, okay." I said, sliding closer to my best friend as he laid his head on my chest.  
"Goodnight, Ryan."  
"Night, Bren."

"Wake up, Ryan! It's Christmas!" Brendon said, whacking me on the chest. How he was this excitable after a night of drinking was beyond me.  
"As a Jew, I don't really see the fun of Christmas morning." I teased before following him downstairs.

"Merry Christmas, Brendon!" Brendon's parents, brothers and sisters cheered.  
"And Ryan?" Brendon's brother Mason asked in confusion.  
"Jon Walker's Christmas party?" Brendon's sister Kara inquired.  
"Yep." I replied with a laugh.  
"We're glad to have you here, Ryan!" Brendon's dad said with a friendly smile. I smiled back.  
"My mom makes the best Christmas breakfast ever." Brendon told me.  
"Is it kosher?" I asked.  
"Not even remotely."  
"Sounds great!" I laughed as we all gathered around the tree.

I watched the Urie family open their presents. They were all grateful for each gift. Brendon had even waited to open the present I had given him at school before winter break. It was Fall Out Boy's new CD and I think it was his favorite gift of all. Breakfast was sinfully good too; 'sinfully' being the key word.

"I'm kinda glad that we got too drunk to drive home last night. This was one of best Christmases ever." Brendon confessed as we stood in the living room.  
"Yeah, Christmas isn't all that bad." I said with a smirk.  
"I just feel kinda bad I didn't get you a Hanukkah present. Or would I have had to get you eight?" Brendon asked me.  
"No, that's okay. You don't have to get me anything. Don't buy into the stereotype that Jewish people are greedy." I explained.  
"Hmmm..." Brendon hummed.  
"What is it?" I asked, confused.  
"Back up a few steps." Brendon told me.  
"Huh?"  
"Just do it, Ryan."  
I did as I was told and backed up until Brendon stopped me.  
"Look up." Brendon said.  
I looked up and noticed we were standing in a doorway and not only that but we were underneath mistletoe.  
"Oh, shit." I whispered.  
Brendon leaned forward and I met him halfway until our lips touched. I pulled him in a little closer and wrapped my arms around his waist. His arms went for my shoulders. Brendon licked at the seam of my lips before I let his adventurous little tongue into my mouth. We explored every inch of each other's mouths before pulling apart.  
"Will that do as a present?" Brendon asked with a shy smile.  
"Mhmm..." was all I could manage. I couldn't even think of some sarcastic remark because it really was great. The best Hanukkah present I'd ever received.  
"Happy Hanukkah, Ryan."  
"Merry Christmas, Brendon." I said before pecking him once more on his perfect lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I make Ryan Ross Jewish? Well, because I can! I like to live vicariously through my writing with the drinking, drug use, & gay sex. Anyway, I hope you guys like this. The idea popped in my head & I had to write it! xoxo


End file.
